Monthly Book Review, Feb 2022: How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie
Feb was a record-breaking month. I read 6 books in total and surprisingly 4 out of 6 books were amazing. This month I’d like to share my thoughts on this book and also recommend it if you haven’t read it yet.
How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie
I love books that explain how human minds work. It first started when I wanted to understand my mind and my feelings better, then it developed into understanding others around me. I’ve always wanted to see the good in people, but I needed more training to learn how human minds work first.
I read lots of psychology books and this book became one of my favourites. Even if you just skim through the index page, you’ll be able to get what matters in relationships. The points that Carnegie made in the books are seemingly basic.
However, I for one know how difficult it is to apply this in real life as I’m a human being like many others. I highlighted sentences on almost every page and if I am asked to pick just one, then I’ll choose this one.
👉🏻 If out of reading this book you get just one thing - an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle - if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career. (p46) 👈🏻
Whether it is at work or outside of work, it's all about people. The more I understand people around me, the happier my life will be and hopefully theirs too, and the more success I will make in my career.
Here are a few favourite paragraphs out of so many and the index just in case you want to skim through and get the sense of this book before ordering one.
Fundamental techniques in handling people
Don’t criticise, condemn or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Six ways to make people like you
Become genuinely interested in other people
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
Win people to your way of thinking
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, ‘You are wrong.’
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get the other person saying ‘yes, yes’ immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatise your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.
Be a leader
Begin with praise and honest appreciation
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
Let the other person save face
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
⭐️ A few favourite parts
p17. Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain - and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
p18. Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. ‘To know all is to forgive all.’
p20. If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. That determines your character.
p24. ‘There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticise anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.’
p35. Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: ‘How can I make this person want to do it?’
p37. If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own. - Henry Ford
p45. The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage.
p46. If out of reading this book you get just on thing - an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle - if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career.
p48. How can I tie up what I want to what he wants?
p70. People who smile tend to manage, teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children. There’s far more information in a smile than a frown. That’s why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment.
p71. People rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it.
p85. The ability to remember names is almost as important in business and social contacts as it is in politics.
p90. Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that.
p95. Many people fail to make a favourable impression because they don’t listen attentively. They have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next that they do not keep their ears open.
p98. The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.
p104. Always make the other person feel important. The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature. The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
p108. The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way and a sure way to their heart is to let them realise in some subtle way that you realise their importance, and recognise it sincerely.
p124. Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best.
p124. Control your temper. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.
p125. Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
p130. Few people are logical. Most of us are prejudiced and biased. Most of us are blighted with preconceived notions, with jealousy, suspicion, fear, envy and pride.
p158. A ‘No’ response is a most difficult handicap to overcome. When you have said ‘No,’ all your pride of personality demands that you remain consistent with yourself. You may later feel that the ‘No’ was ill-advised; nevertheless, there is your precious pride to consider! Once having said a thing, you feel you must stick to it. Hence it is of the very greatest importance that a person be started in the affirmative direction. The skilful speaker gets, at the outset, a number of ‘Yes’ responses. This sets the psychological process of the listeners moving in the affirmative direction.
p159. Hence the more ‘Yeses’ we can, at the very outset, induce, the more likely we are to succeed in capturing the attention for our ultimate proposal.
p168. Because when our friends excel us, they feel important; but when we excel them, they - or at least some of them - will feel inferior and envious.
p170. No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts.
p175. The only solid foundation for interpersonal relationships; namely, that success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.
p176. Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own. Starting your conversation by giving the other person the purpose or direction of your conversation, governing what you say by what you would want to hear if you were the listener, and accepting his or her viewpoint will encourage the listener to have an open mind to your ideas.
p202. The way to get things done, is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.
p226. Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.
p231. I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.
p222. Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires the other person to keep on improving.
p236. Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere - not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good.
p236. The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life.
p236. Talking about changing people. If you and I will inspire the people with whom we come in contact to a realisation of the hidden treasures they possess, we can do far more than change people. We can literally transform them.
p243. She kept praising the things I did right and minimising my errors.